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Saturday, April 16, 2005

the feeling is back again

damn it

wanna vomit n cry at the same time

feel so stressed

pressurized

like no one really cares for me.

i tot he understand me the most.

but it seems like he's still 500 miles away..

aways from my thoughts.

i dun feel well.

i dun feel appreciated.

the feeling sucks.

i tried so hard.

but i always fail..

i feel so guilty.

sicked.

i juz wanna spend more time wif my family.

cos i feel happier.

free.

i dun nid to worry.

to feel scare.

i feel protected.

blessed.

i once tot i can have both.
jo n them.

but i lost one of them
slowly..

now
i know i'm trash to them.

when they're happy.
i'm one of them.

when they're not.
i'm like a thorn in their eyes.

but i wanna b wif them.
they're my family.

i've neglected them for 2 yrs.
tt's y..
now i'm drifting further.

every now n den
pple will ask.
:huh?! how come u didn't go out??
:how come joseph not here?
:u sure u free? discuss wif ur bf 1st.

i feel..drifted.
stressed.
feel bad.
dun wanna parents to worry when
they're goin to b grandparents.

dun wan my bros to forget abt me.

dun wan my relatives to say bad things abt me.
behind my back.

i nid to b in the family again.
i want to compensate.
for everything.

for the neglected
-love
-care
-n concern

nth is more imp than my family rite now.


but i feel torn.
apart.

i cannot balance jo n my family.

y i can't have both.
y he can't understand.

i feel so miserable.

i juz wan to cry.
let my tears roll.
i nid no comfort.

i nid love.
understanding.
more than anything.


simoney lost her way @ 1:02 AM