Saturday, April 16, 2005
the feeling is back again
damn it
wanna vomit n cry at the same time
feel so stressed
pressurized
like no one really cares for me.
i tot he understand me the most.
but it seems like he's still 500 miles away..
aways from my thoughts.
i dun feel well.
i dun feel appreciated.
the feeling sucks.
i tried so hard.
but i always fail..
i feel so guilty.
sicked.
i juz wanna spend more time wif my family.
cos i feel happier.
free.
i dun nid to worry.
to feel scare.
i feel protected.
blessed.
i once tot i can have both.
jo n them.
but i lost one of them
slowly..
now
i know i'm trash to them.
when they're happy.
i'm one of them.
when they're not.
i'm like a thorn in their eyes.
but i wanna b wif them.
they're my family.
i've neglected them for 2 yrs.
tt's y..
now i'm drifting further.
every now n den
pple will ask.
:huh?! how come u didn't go out??
:how come joseph not here?
:u sure u free? discuss wif ur bf 1st.
i feel..drifted.
stressed.
feel bad.
dun wanna parents to worry when
they're goin to b grandparents.
dun wan my bros to forget abt me.
dun wan my relatives to say bad things abt me.
behind my back.
i nid to b in the family again.
i want to compensate.
for everything.
for the neglected
-love
-care
-n concern
nth is more imp than my family rite now.
but i feel torn.
apart.
i cannot balance jo n my family.
y i can't have both.
y he can't understand.
i feel so miserable.
i juz wan to cry.
let my tears roll.
i nid no comfort.
i nid love.
understanding.
more than anything.
simoney lost her way @
1:02 AM