Wednesday, February 07, 2007
its not easy to get through everything
this prenancy,
this wedding.
the preparations.
no,i'm not blaming anyone
juz the stress we're facing rite now is unbearable.
and so u think its easy.
coping with school work and project is tiring enough,
forcing way through everything with the fatigue i endured.
not forgetting the bloated-ness and the vomitting symptoms that haunt me everyday.
-_-||
now i also need to learn to adapt.
its not as EASY and SIMPLE as some pple thought.
living at a new environment is a great challenge for every human being
and learning to adapt to the pple ard the environment.
just stating an example.
A: hey, ur room want wat color painting
me:hmm..i like light colors, like beign.
A: not nice.
in the end, we juz choose according to the majority's decision.
i'm not complaining.
its juz an example of small things that we nid to learn to adapt.
living with other's opinions.
and a new environments means a new way of living.
i won;t get to watch tv with my family and laugh and joke together
i won;t get to play and quarrel with my brother every night
:(
instead,
i can imagine myself goin back to this new home,
bath
and stay in my own room.
and i've nv tried quarreling with my family b4..
not shouting vuglarity and slamming the doors.
not ever.
but i gotta learn to accommodate to other's living habit.
:)
i will survive
finance is another problem we have to face constantly
other than his parents sponsor (as a blessing i hope) in
our new furniture
my wedding photos
my wedding gold jewellry
and my wedding dinner(hope the hongbao can cover back the losses)
etc etc,
there's so much different kind of expenses that's beyond explanation.
but they've aid in most,
and i;m most appreciative to their contributions~
and yet there's so much problem arise due to money issue.
with my weaken health, i really can't work much.
and i really do nid the money!
and joseph's effort in working for the weekend ain;t helping much.
his weekly's allowance with pay is $200
but petrol s killing us.
tsk...
baby per check up is ard $100
and we have to save and earn up money.
tsk..and dun think its cheap..
we still have to crack our brains for those further check ups and appointment,
and for different checks on blood and several health issue have to charged separately.
how about our labor fees?
these r the things we nid to pay on our own,
our responsibility.
i dun nid help.
i know its ur fault for getting this kind of trouble.
i dun nid critics,
cos we already know.
how abt self dignity?
wat do u know abt it??
getting scolded and laughed at.
ha.
and u think its easy.
yeah..
we deserve it.
but,
i dun think ur critics and scolding will do us any good.
we dun nid the humiliation.
joseph is facing so much almost every night,
from the scolding, humiliation, the critics.
and we got to bear it all.
so who can c the tears we dropped every night?
the troubles we faced?
the little choices we have left in our life.
we juz live with it.
pple can say easily,
the wedding is urs, the decision is urs.
but the cutural background behind every person,
every family,
every dialect
is different.
i dun listen to traditions,
but i obey.
and with the numerous decisio made by the elderly,
i;m only left with little small choices to make for my wedding.
dun every gal have their dream on their perfect wedding??
their perfect way of living?
their dram husband,
dream family.
and wish for ur wedding,
everything will b go according to ur way?
but i dun have that privilege,
and i can;t hold on stubbornly on the little-gal's dream i once had.
those little wishes u made to fairies and god,
and praying o hard that on ur DAY,
UR VERY DAY,
u can b the most beautiful woman on earth,
with the most handsome prince beside u,
smiling...
and things u wished for,
wedding held in gardens?
or the grandest wedding u can ever dreamt of?
dun u juz wan this very day,
to b ur day?
no, i can;t have it.
i can dare say,
this wedding,
90% is decided by joseph's family.
i know the things they do is gd for us,
i truely appreciate their efforts.
i'm not complaining.
but if i dun voice out,
how many pple out there can really feel my pain??
how many pple can understand the struggling within me,
holding back the tears for everything i've lost?
with the numerous problems we facing,
we dun nid any more bad comments.
we dun nid ur reminder on our mistakes.
we dun nid ur doubt on us.
we dun nid to know ur little discussion behind our back.
its not easy..
not easy at all.
simoney lost her way @
10:52 PM
