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Saturday, July 21, 2007

i felt so guilty for saying this over dinner juz now

'well, i;m not so keen to have this baby'
(so ashame of myself for saying this after some self-reflection)

i feel so bad.
i should have added that i felt this way initially,
but now..
i really love my baby lots.

hmm..
juz wan to hold him and tell this precious baby juz how much i love him~

i felt guilty that i would wan to work after my baby's born.
:(

but not only for selfish reason,
but i really need the money to pull through these few yrs..
i hope one day my baby will understand my absence when he's still young.

there're so many problems n obstacles all along this road of growing,
sacrificing for my baby, and my new family,
sometimes,
i juz can;t make everything perfect.

i really wish i can continue my studies after giving birth,
but who's goin to support my family financially??

i also wish i can spend more time with my baby after he;s born,
but the same prob occur.
seriously,
u need money to survive in this society.

juz another way of expressing maternity love i guess.

i feel so guilty for not pointing put joseph's gd pt every time,
but i can't help it.

he's really sweet in his own way,
but juz not to perfection.
i might as well confess that i'm not a gd wife also.

i spent money on gd food,
and this poor guy,
have to work on both weekend so that we got enough money to spend for the week.

i'm not being very understanding at times,
although i really try hard to let him chill out with his frenz/cousins
once/twice a week.
i can;t really hide the unhappiness that he rather spend time with them than with me.

and i;m upset that he;s spending so much on lottery every week,
even though he's the one who's making income.
-_-

i wish i can do wateva other suggested,
make him listen to me,
make him stay with me,
make him respect me more.

but i can't.
cos he's diff from others.

i can't force him to b wat he can't b.

well,
let's juz pray that i and him can last~

simoney lost her way @ 12:37 AM